The Thirty-Year Question: How Is Married Life?

Three months later I still get asked the same question: “How is married life?” And I still hesitate to answer. Don’t get me wrong, married life is awesome. But married life is not a whole lot different from life the last 30 years. And yet, now there’s a piece of paper that legally binds us together as husbands. We wear matching rings. We had the official marriage ceremony. Did that not change anything?

Steve and I have been together for three decades. He is, without a doubt, the love of my life. I remember the summer of 1994 vividly. We were living in Miami, where we both grew up, and we had an apartment together. That year was our fifth anniversary. We were just a couple of 20-somethings still finding our way in both the career world and the relationship world. Our partnership had already been through a few rough spots, but we always managed to find our way back to each other.

But I wasn’t sure what the future would hold. My newspaper writing career was still nascent, still stuck in that developing stage, and I wanted to kick it up a notch. Through some serendipity, and a few well-positioned people that tossed out my name, I ended up in Dallas for a job interview with The Dallas Morning News. Nothing happens until it happens, right, so Steve and I just rolled with the universe. He already had a sweet, secure gig as a respiratory therapist at a local hospital. I was the one with the ambitions to grow and move.

I was offered the job in Dallas – better pay, better benefits, better position. I immediately said yes. Now, how to tell Steve? We sat outside at a local restaurant. We were about to have dinner.

“I love you with all my heart and soul,” I told him. “I accepted the job in Dallas. As much as I want you with me, I can’t force you to move. Especially when you have a great job here and you wouldn’t have one upon arriving in Dallas.” He looked at me and without missing a beat replied, “When do we leave?”

Steve and I turned houses into homes in the Dallas-Fort Worth area. We endured job changes, an illness or two, deaths in both our families, and we’re still together. About six months ago we brought up marriage again. Ever since marriage equality became a reality, Steve and I have talked about marriage. We always wanted to have power of attorney so that if something happened to one of us the other could speak and be heard. A marriage license would certainly take care of that and then some.

Yet the marriage thing never seemed all that important. We own our home together. We are each other’s beneficiary. We lead peaceful, productive lives. We don’t need to get married. But there was something about 30 years, a magical number. We talked, we researched, we talked some more.

On September 21, 2019, at our home in Hurst, in front of about 40 friends and family, we exchanged vows. We kept the ceremony simple and casual. We wanted it to have a homey feeling. We wanted it to express 30 years of love and devotion.

Now we have that coveted marriage certificate. We have the engraved rings. We have the great wedding photos taken by our awesome photographer friend Edgar Tavera. I now call Steve my husband and it carries much more weight. In the eyes of the law, he is truly my husband.

Getting married has given our relationship another level of heft. I don’t love Steve any more because we signed a marriage license. I adore Steve with or without that piece of paper. Yet in the eyes of the land, we are now legitimate. There is something, well, prideful about that. We belong together now more than ever.

So how is married life? It’s beautiful because I’m still with the man that I love inside and out.

*Photo by Edgar Tavera