Happiness, Like Life, Is What You Make It!

There’s a great song by the now (sadly) defunct 80s band Talk Talk titled “Life’s What You Make It.” That tune could have easily been renamed, “Happiness Is What You Make It.” As I rapidly approach 60, in August no less, I am pondering life and happiness more deeply and, perhaps to my surprise, more calmly.

Calm caught me off guard as our world today is anything but that. Plus, I work diligently daily to keep my anxiety, a lovely family trait, in check. Truth is, I’m not afraid of turning 60 and I’m certainly not afraid of retirement in the not-so-distant future. In fact, I feel a sense of pride. I’m a work-in-progress, just a guy who tries hard to be the best version of himself he can possibly be.

But maybe even more important is I have a pretty good idea of how to be happy and how to stay that way. Don’t get me wrong, I have my doubtful days and if I allow myself to slide down the gloom-and-doom tunnel, it can be difficult for me to climb back to the light.

That’s where mindful thinking, determined doing, and eternal optimism come into play. Here’s my happiness formula:

• Do happy things: This may seem silly, almost a no-brainer, but I need to consistently do things that make me happy. I love collecting music (CDs and vinyl), so I spend a lot of time nurturing my library. I love reading, writing, and exercising. I love organizing and rearranging. I love improving the home I share with my husband of 35 years.
• Be with loving people: That starts with my husband, who is my soulmate. I love the life we share and the home we have built. Of course, dear friends are a super important part of the equation. I learned several years ago to erase toxic people from my existence. I need to be with beautiful humans that uplift, not knock down.
• Steer the train: I am in control. I command my immediate world and how I choose to interact in it. I am in full power of my emotions, my intellect, and my reasoning. So, if a weak moment takes over my locomotive and it seems to be barreling down the tracks, I need to quickly hop into the conductor chair and steer that emotional caboose back to safety.
• Embrace beauty: I choose optimism. I choose glass half full. I choose beauty. It is easy to see what is wrong, get angry about it, and then stew. It’s much tougher, but ultimately more cathartic, to put in the elbow grease and live with a smile, be kind, laugh, and see your immediate world as the priceless art that it is. If you don’t do this, nobody will do it for you.

If you don’t do this, nobody will do it for you. Now there’s a mantra for happiness. Happiness doesn’t come in pill form. To paraphrase Cher, if it came in a bottle, everybody would be happy. Happiness is like exercise, the more you do it the better it makes you feel. There are no shortcuts, no cheat sheets.

I frequently feel pity for people who seem to perennially be in a bad mood. You know the type, I’m sure you’ve seen them plenty on social media. They are angry at injustices they feel have been done to them. Society owes them something and it refuses to pay. They are the victims, always. Bad has been done to them and they don’t deserve it.

Look, we all have damage. All of us have baggage filled with negativity. But it’s how we manage the damage that makes all the difference. Life deals you cards, many times not the best in the deck, but it’s up to us to play them for maximum effect.

Happiness is a game that you never stop playing. You strategize, you intellectualize, you conceptualize, you visualize – and then you do it. Remember, the day you stop working to be happy is the day that you give up your dream. Talk Talk had the right idea. Life is what you make it, and so is happiness.